Ugh! That was terrible!

I did run last Monday but didn't have a chance to write about it.  It was difficult and I didn't really know why, but I was slow, and none of the distance came easy to me.  I did not run on Wednesday and today's run felt like a major struggle, as well.  I started out with a headache, and we had a pretty lazy morning around the house reading and just hanging out.

We decided to go to the MetroPark and I'd run while John rode his bike. It was a gorgeous day for a run, or ride, in the park.  I think that most of my trouble was mental.  I started out walking and two twenty-something girls got out of their car and started walking behind me.  They were doing some serious stretching, so I figured that they were going to run, and they finally did run past me.  But much to my surprise, they got about 15 yards ahead of me and resumed walking.  They were talking and giggling, and I reverted back to that awkward girl in junior high school that got made fun of when trying to do anything athletic (which I didn't do very often).

When I'm running in the park, I never look at people and think that they look ridiculous, or stupid or anything else, no matter what activity they are doing.Why is it that I am always assuming that other people are doing that to me?  I am my own worst enemy.  I just couldn't bring myself to start running at that point.  If I passed them it would give them more opportunity to make fun of me - but I was supposed to get in a 2 mile run today.  I walked behind them for over a mile, then decided to turn around, finally starting my run timer, and ran back to where I came from, just so I didn't have to encounter them and/or their judgement.  By that time my confidence was nonexistent and my running was sluggish.  I ran the first half mile and then walked an ran the rest - walking more than running.  Then I really felt like a big failure!

As it turns out, my pace was only 5 seconds slower than it had been on Monday - but 1:40 slower than it had been last weekend.  I've got to learn how to send that junior high girl away.  Banish her so that I can let the grown woman, who can do anything she sets her mind to, take charge.  I have 4 runs next week, so lots of time to practice - If only I knew how to start.

The good new is that my headache was gone when I got done running and I feel so much better now than I did this morning.